First things first: the Mister has some big stuff going on. Potentially life-changing stuff here. Stuff that could rock our world. Stuff is happening tomorrow that may or may not set other stuff in motion. So please think happy thoughts for him tomorrow. Thanks!
Some fun stuff came in the mail yesterday! About a month ago I filled out a survey online in hopes of winning a TaylorMade Burner 6-iron. That’s a golf club, people. Anyway, I filled out this survey, and about a week later I got an e-mail saying I’d been selected to receive a free club! Woohoo! They retail for about $115, so I am understandably stoked about winning. I can’t wait to get out to the driving range and test it out. Also in the mail yesterday was a wonderful planner from DotMine! DotMine contacted me a few weeks ago about reviewing one of their mom-friendly planners, and I jumped at the chance. Be on the lookout for a review on this planner in a couple of weeks after I’ve had a chance to break it in.
Now that that’s out of the way, let’s move on. To what? What is there to talk about? How about the craptacular sleep I’ve been getting? Mr. CJ is in a really crappy sleep pattern and has been for the past week or so. I don’t know if it’s a growth spurt or he’s hungry because of my diminished supply from being sick last week, but whatever it is, Momma is none too pleased about it. Some nights he wakes up at 11. Some nights it’s midnight. Last night it was 1am. And of course the Mister wakes up if I start snoring, but he somehow never hears CJ crying even though the monitor is right beside the bed. Funny how that is. Luckily he goes right back to sleep after I go get him and bring him into our bed, but I’m stuck in the same position for the rest of the night because I don’t want to move for fear of waking him. So I spend the remainder of the night being a human pacifier and worrying about bedsores on my backside because I can’t roll over anymore. And GOD FORBID I try to unlatch him before he is good and ready so that my nipples can get a moment’s reprieve. We have attempted to let him cry it out again, but we’re half asleep and ready to try to get back to sleep, and unfortunately it’s just easier to let him sleep with us for the rest of the night than face an unknown amount of screaming. I thought I could deal with cry it out, but I’m not sure I can. Not during the week, at least. I have to get up for work around 5:45, and I feel like I am wasting valuable sleeping time trying to get him to sleep through the night in his crib again. I can only hope that CJ will get back in the groove of sleeping all night soon. I can maintain for a little while longer, but I don’t know exactly how long I can hold on until I’m ready to run screaming. These middle of the night wakeups are the only time I get extremely frustrated with being a parent. I can deal with pretty much anything and feel like I’m pretty darn good at being a mom, but holy geez, when I’m woken up in the middle of the night I turn into a beast. I get up from my warm cozy bed, toss my pillow to the side (usually hitting the Mister in the head with it, completely by accident, of course), stomp to the bathroom, slam doors open, kick shoes and dogs out of the way (just kidding, I don’t kick the dogs), and trudge into the nursery mad at the world. But when I see my baby boy looking up at me, waiting for me to comfort him and make him feel better, all my anger melts away and I tell myself how lucky I am to be this baby’s whole world. Right now I’m the one who can calm him the fastest and best. Still, even though my anger has dissipated, I’m still exhausted come morning time. I can’t help but wish that he would just go. to. sleep.
But then I think about how he won’t need me to help him get to sleep for much longer. One day I will be able to just lay him down in his bed, give him a smooch, and leave the room and he will fall asleep on his own. I won’t have to nurse him, rock him, or sing to him to help him fall asleep. So for now I’ll grit my teeth, trudge to the nursery in the middle of the night, and let my baby sleep in the bed with me. I’ll sneak smooches on his sweet little face and snuggle him close and cherish the extra time I have with him during the night.
Because soon he won’t need me anymore. Cue the sobbing.
21. Sunny days.
22. The capability of human beings to forgive.
23. My mom.
25. A good “that’s what she said.”
26. Great coworkers.
28. A good “goes with everything” cardigan.
29. Barefoot walks in soft grass.
30. The feeling of excitement/fear over what may happen.